So heres another poem/story. tell me if its good Warning very dark!?

Honestly, it sounds a bit too cheesy. You could convey a very dramatic mood without using the so very cliche phrase "slit your wrists". Usually the best poems are those which do not directly use the theme word. Example: I have read many poems about love, yet not once was the actual word "love" written in it. This just sounds like a typical high school poem that one of those self proclaimed "goths" would compose. Don't get me wrong, though. This has potential, but the omnipresent gore gets old. Space it out. That could even make a gereater impact on your audience. Also, much of the rhyming and vocabulary is fairly elementary. I'm not saying that a poem is "bad" if it doesn't have slightly more advanced wording, but again, this sounds too sad little high schooler who would like to gain some attention. Look at Poe's works. His short stories are not line after line blood and gore. He builds up, creating that final suspense. He also limits dialogue. Many of his pieces spend pages of solid information. In your poem, you use frequent dialogue. Instead of writing out what someone is saying, you could describe the situation to decrease the corny level. i.e. (pure example) "I felt my body weaken by the numbness which washed through me, as he lifted his saber still crimson with fresh blood..."